Sleepless in Cape Town on a chilly autumn Saturday night, I lay in bed overthinking. Anxiety and logic dancing around each other in my mind, I asked a lot of questions.
I wondered if God was listening. Sometimes we feel like the forgotten child. We think outrageous things like: “Is He even listening? Of course He’s not, why would He be listening to me?”
But I knew He was. The real question was: Was I listening to Him?
I put my feelings into words and wrote a poem about what thoughts came after this. I shared this poem with my husband and he encouraged me to share it with all of you. Of course, these are very personal things to share with anyone in person, never mind for anyone on the internet to read. But I thought, why not? You can read the poem here if you would like some context to this post.
So now, for some people reading this, you may have just become aware that I’m a Christian. Others will know that this is no secret.
The last few years have been a trying time for many. Globally, locally, personally, professionally, physically, emotionally. It’s fair to say that it’s been a lot. But we don’t really talk to each other about how we feel, do we?
Most nights (when I remember), I will ask for protection over my loved ones and let God know if I have any special requests for specific people.
I’m well aware of how it sounds when I type this out: like I’m writing a mental note to God to send me a special present and grant all of my wishes.
And it kind of is. But it’s also an opportunity to ask Him to help you work through emotions, and ask Him how you can better support others around you.
In seeking to understand the world (and my place in it), recently I’ve been having chats with God before I fall asleep. Obviously, by this I mean I’ve been expressing my thoughts with Him, running through situations in my mind, and asking Him questions – just like I would ask a friend.
And no, He may not be verbally responding to me – but it’s still a conversation, it’s not a monologue. The key is that I’m trying to listen to Him more. When and where and how is He speaking to me?
You see, when things go well for us, it’s so easy to get caught up in the moment and loosen our grips on God just a little. Sometimes we do it because we think we’ve got a handle on things and God can take a back seat (because we know He’s got other things to focus on).
But, mostly we do it because we are human beings – and just waking up every day with people to see and things to do means we’re bound to drop the ball on something, at some stage. It’s just human nature. We are not robots (yet).
It’s natural for relationships to suffer when we’re distracted by our ambitions or concerns. And our relationship with God needs work too, just like our relationships with our partners, our family, our friends, and our colleagues.
I know it’s hard.
Sometimes our faith is so strong, but other times we feel so lost or disconnected from God that we don’t even know where to pick up the conversation.
But He’s still listening.
And guess what? He’s also here to guide us if we’re ready to listen to Him.
Because it’s a conversation, not a monologue.
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If you enjoyed this post, you might enjoy reading ‘Conversations with God – a poem’ here, which inspired this post.
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